I have always considered myself a paint within the lines kind of gal. I am artistic and creative, but safe. I guess you could say I am a Type A personality with a side of "roll the dice". I don't like change, yet I crave spontaneity at times. I am, for the most part, a rule follower, not a rule breaker. But Bipolar Disorder is a rule breaker, a game changer if you will. It forces me to look for alternative ways to approach life.
This time of year is particularly difficult. Had my son continued with traditional education, he would be graduating from high school. And I am selfishly mourning the loss of all that goes with the pomp and circumstance. His loss is greater than mine, I know, and hopefully a short lived loss. There is no senior photo hanging on the wall, no prom, no yearbook, no cap and gown. And I know he wishes it was different, I'm sure he would go back and do things differently if he could, wouldn't most of us? I see friends photos and announcements celebrating their son or daughter's achievements and college endeavors and I find a lump in my throat accompanied by a twinge of jealousy. Don't misunderstand, I am very happy for them, and want nothing but success for their children, but I would also be perfectly content skipping right through the month of June and landing on July 4th.
This is when it is appropriate, even encouraged to color outside the lines, to think outside the box and change my approach. Bipolar Disorder is as I said a rule breaker, therefor, to a point, I must be too. Traditional methods of parenting a child with BD do not apply so I have to alter the course. I am challenged to find more effective ways to communicate and problem solve. For someone who has BD, loading them up with a list of goals is overwhelming, and futile. It is best to set a few at a time, therefor creating the possibility for success and lessening distraction. There is a war going on in their head between the grandiose ideas they create verses the lack of confidence they are left with when they cannot see it through to fruition. They are so sure that they are right but cannot see their way through the process. Imagine how that must feel? We deem it failure. If you thought you failed at every attempt to see a goal to fruition, where would that leave your confidence? Where would it leave your soul? You would be crushed, you would feel defeated all of the time.
Conventional education can come with all sorts of anxiety ridden circumstances. Alternative methods such as independent study, or even, yes the GED, should be considered. Trust me, that is a hard pill to swallow, but I would rather my child not get mired down in what others may think, I want his focus to be on his future. We, and I include myself, are conditioned to believe that everyone should follow the same path. Four years of high school, followed by four years of a college chosen from your many options. And for many that is exactly how it goes, and good for them. But our education system fails to meet the needs of those who color outside the lines. It is ill equipped to handle our 'out of the box thinkers', and what a shame, for while the bipolar mind may be divergent, it is often creative and brilliant. The road less traveled should be encouraged when the mainstream options have failed. We need to recognize the gifts, within the illness. More importantly, my son needs to see his own potential, and know that he can in fact reach it by less conventional methods.
He is actually more aware of it than I am. He knows that his sleep patterns and issues with focus are key factors in planning his schedule when he does attend college in the fall. A lighter schedule of classes is more appropriate for him, so as not to set himself up for failure. He knows enough about himself to consider all of the issues that challenge him, the follow through is where it gets tricky. So we continue to encourage, and try not to dwell on what may be missing. We look for the gifts within the illness and wait for the moments in which to coax them out. It can be a delicate dance, knowing when to lead and when to let go, when to push and when to pull back. I know what you are thinking, everyone needs to know failure, how else do we recognize success? I agree completely, but for those with bipolar disorder, failure is felt more often than by the average individual and the result is often depression, so why stack the deck?
I know in my head this is what he needs, my heart is trying to catch up. I want so badly to take the proverbial paintbrush out of his hands and paint the picture I see for his future. But this is his journey and my job is to encourage him to attain that future in a way that is productive and healthy for him. So if trading a few traditions that will soon be in his past, for the possibility of a bright future, then by all means color outside the lines, outside the page if necessary. Our history books and museums and theaters are filled with successful individuals who did just that while living with mental illness. Playwright Tennessee Williams, British Prime Minister Winston Churchill, Ludwig Von Beethoven and Sir Isaac Newton, to name just a few. Perhaps we should focus less on how everyone reaches their destination, and how long it takes to get there, and instead appreciate the journey itself. I know that I still have a lot to learn about how to deal with Bipolar Disorder, and I hope I can be open minded and less controlling(not a quality I am known for) when my son's future is more Jackson Pollack than Claude Monet.
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